March 19, 2009

Obama's Fault: Fuck AIG

But fuck the hypocritical, grandstanding, populist cocksuckers in Congress  more.  Besides being an obviously unconstitutional, ex post facto bill of retainder, it also (with Rethuglican help, I might add) allows the completely inept Obama administration to dodge responsibility for the existence of these bonuses in the motherfucking first place.

Now everyone can pat themselves on the fucking back for gouging a stick in the eye of the AIG executives while ignoring the fact they spent that tenth of a percent of the money they were handed by our cleptocrats at the FUCKING BEHEST OF THE LAWS AND PEOPLE GIVING THEM THE FUCKING MONEY.

Seriously, am I dreaming? 

Most of these companies are behind on their taxes.  Half the people giving them our tax money are behind on their taxes.  Nobody seems to have any fucking clue where this money is going while the number of backs being scratched and special deals is starting to seem outright impossible.

This would all be comical if it weren't (seemingly... that green beer may have broken my brain) reality.  I mean, ACORN is involved in the fucking census!  A man who pledged to never sign a budget with any earmarks in it blows his load on one with over 8000 and the top story is about some dipshit actress hitting her head on a ski hill*?

Seriously?  Is this Bizarro World?  Where's my retarded Super Man?  In this strange world is Ace banging Giselle and Tom Brady works at a laundromat?

See, here's the way I see it.  All of the novelists who envisioned a postapocalyptic nightmare always saw government or corporations or science as the instigators of societal collapse but I think it is clear what the true impetus for the funniest (most absurd) end of civilization ever.

The media. 

I don't even have the words to describe the contradictions and absurdity I see every time I watch the news.  Cramer and Stewart are fighting about who's smarter:  the guy who suggested we buy bank stocks at the end of 2008 or the guy that thinks its just fucking AWESOME to spend several trillion dollars on... I don't know... umm.. whatever  the Fresh Prez suggests.  Its sickening.  I have your solution.    You're both retarded.

Then Captain Teleprompter gives the head of our closest ally a Columbia membership that doesn't even FUCKING WORK IN EUROPE.  HOW IS THIS NOT THE ONION? 

I defy you to open your newspaper and tell me it isn't the Onion.  That red button in Russia that said "Overcharge" on it?  This CANNOT BE OBJECTIVE REALITY.  The gibbering shitstains really can not be our leadership.  Can they?  How does this happen?

And don't get me started on how much rage is being generated by "my own side."  Seriously, I think we're in sad shape if any of the people suggested are the "speakers for the party."  In fact, if every elected or appointed participant in the federal government was whisked away to the island in Lost, I can't for the life of me imagine a scenario where that hurts the country.  These people are the worst of us, not our leaders.  How fucked up does the world have to be for Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid or Barrack "57 States" Obama or fucking Matt Damon to be taken seriously in any capacity whatsoever.

Its enough to threaten a man's convictions regarding Democracy.  I mean, if this is what democracy begets, I'd rather have heredity lines.  At least then there is the possibility of sustained non-retarded leadership.  Even in-breeding doesn't account for the kind of rank stupidity I now see from our "enlightened" classes.  Who would you rather have at Treasury?  Geithner or that banjo kid from Deliverance?  Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum.

And all through this comedy of bad decisions (not errors, they were made with intent) the media cheers and distracts and dances along to the tune of our Incompetent In Chief.  Nauseating. 

So yeah, fuck all of 'em.  In the asses.  With that guy from new Wolverine movie as the dildo. 

* - I really mean that.  Fuck that story.  Who cares?

P.S. - I know I spelled a bunch of shit wrong.  I don't care.  I do what I want.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 05:35 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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