June 26, 2008

Ask A Moron: Where To Go From Here

Hermit Dave asks - Liberals are always threatening to move outside the US should elections not go their way. I think conservatives should start doing the same thing. The problem is there are far more liberal 'safe havens' than conservative ones. To where should conservatives threaten to move?

The Supreme Court has ruled that captured terrorists have Constitutional rights and child rape is a-okay. Barack Obama is about to become president and the Democrats will control all three branches of government. It seems that the dream may be over for Type III personalities in America.

So, where do we go? Well, in order to simplify this process I have divided the nations of the world into three categories:

Oppressive: Countries in this category significantly limit the freedoms of their citizens politically, religiously or individually. The banning of firearms won't necessarily place a country in this category but will get them 90% of the way.

Socialist: Economically, this country confiscates a large portion of the working man's money to give to 'underprivilidged' people or other stupid social engineering projects. Universal Healthcare counts as a stupid social engineering project and will (almost) immediately land a country in this category.

Shithole: Countries in this category are about as appealing to live in as a Port-A-John at Summerfest. Being desperately poor, disease-ridden, crime-ridden or lacking infrastructure will land you in this category.

Now, a country doesn't have to land in just one of these categories. For example, Cuba nails the trifecta because it is an Oppressive, Socialist Shithole. Good on ya, Castros!

To make this easy I've created a handy-dandy map. In the extended entry, I've included some descriptions. Enjoy!


Disagree with my categorizations? Let me have it in the comments!

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North America: As everyone knows, Canada is socialist and Mexico is a shithole. Unfortunately for us, those qualities are leaking in to America from the north and south. I suppose Canada would be okay to live in if you didn't want guns, good healthcare or freedom of speech. They keep going and they'll be added to the Oppressive category with China and Russia.

South America: With the exception of a few shining spots (Ecuador and Chile are still shitholes but they're getting better) South America is one giant shithole. No rational American would take the standard of living hit required to relocate to any of these places. Crime is also rampant and absurd through most of the continent.

Arguments could be made that Argentina isn't a shithole but any country that spawned Evita starring Madonna must be punished. Besides, if a country is too poor or backwards for me to want to live there, it goes in the shithole category.

Europe: Alas, the cradle of Western Civilization is now rampant with socialism. Ironically (or maybe not so much depending on who you are), the segments of the continent that seem to be getting better are the ones that spent half a century under socialist rule. In a few decades, Poland may be a nice place to live if they keep their economy growing and their people free.

  • Ireland: I'd put Ireland in the acceptable category with their low tax rates and hard-working prosperity but their membership in the EU, universal healthcare and gun laws put them in the Socialist category.
  • Switzerland: Surprisingly, I can't see much bad about living in Switzerland. Gun rights are protected, commerce is encouraged and the nation is clean and wealthy. They also have some magnificent mountains.
  • Finland: When I researched Finland I was shocked to see they had a per capita income close to that of Italy and a rather commerce friendly government. I guess I just overlooked them way up there. I'm not saying I'd be excited to live there but I'm pretty sure I could handle it.

Africa: Umm yeah, there is nowhere in this continent any sane person would want to live.  Antarctica comes in way ahead in my book.

Asia: Take your pick, Asia has lots too offer.  Most of the continent and its population is under oppressive, socialist regimes.  Most of the ex-Soviet republics haven't lost their flair for poverty and oppression and therefor would not be high on the list. 

  • India: India is making great strides to drag a billion souls into the 21st century and I suspect they will be our partners as world super-power within a few decades. 
  • Afghanistan:  I'd put Afghanistan in the improving category but that place still has too many problems.  Also, it often seems it will be dropping into the Oppressive category at any moment.
  • Iraq: Once the New York Times notices things are going well in Iraq, it is time to slap the Improving category on them. 
  • Japan: Japan, by all accounts, seems like a nice place to live with good opportunity to thrive.  The laws are a bit oppressive but not to the point of being flagged.

You'll notice the only countries categorized as simply oppressive in the world are in the Middle East.  The wealth of these oil countries doesn't provide for much socialism or poverty but the religious domination creates a lot of oppression.

Australia: What's not to love about Australia?  They are a bit socialistic and a bit oppressive with the gun laws but we all know the attitude of the citizens about where they live makes these things much less draconian than their British father's version. 

Winner: Australia by a good distance.  If you wanted to move from the United States to anywhere else in the world, you'd have the easiest and most positive experience moving to Australia.  A good economy, good people, common language and a cultural dedication to freedom all make this a good fit for Americans. 

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:19 AM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
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