April 01, 2010

All Your Racist Flags Are Belong To Us!

That's right, racist Christian Teabaggers! I, Charles Foster Johnson and my Super Awesome Correlator Tool To Catch Nazis and Criticsâ„¢ (Patent Pending) have taken over this hotbed of racism, teabagging, and hate. Hold on!

*catches some snarky comment about me at a site*
*bans said comment from internet*
*brags for 30 minutes to Kilgore Trout about catching a critic*

Ok! Where was I? Oh yeah! When I am not chasing Nazis and Bigots on the internet 20 hours a day, I am busy determining if your flag is indeed a secretly coded symbol for white power. So, come on down! Bring your flags to me, and I will personally determine if that flag with George Washington on it really is a coded White Power Slaveholding Revanchist logo, or the flag for the state of Washington. Ask me if violent threats are hidden in the strangest places. Ask me if this is a front for a Belgian Fascist Group, or something else. And ask me if the Teabaggers have set up their own shadow militia, based on their symbols.

And if you challenge me, I will ban you from the internet! For only I know the truth, as told to me after a three day binge of sleeplessness, SQL server fun, cheetos, and bannings. But only after I force you to buy a calender, a comic book, and a kindle from my shop.

So, now that Iceweasel and I have a site for nothing but flag symbology, please go back to my old site to tell me how awesome I am, how cute Andrew Sullivan and I look together, how mean everybody else on the internet is, and why Sarah Palin is the devil incarnate. And leave the racist hunting to me, a professional.

Oh, and just for good measure, by reading this post, you are banned.

Posted by: Chucky Johnson Flag Research Department at 01:06 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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