January 09, 2008
Pat Robertson Predicts Market Downturn, Oil Price Skyrocket, Suckers Will Give Him More Money
I know one of those is gonna be right. Anyway, he predicted last year that cities were gonna get nuked by terrorists last year, but that never came to fruition, says Robertson,
Dude, it totally works! But he needs your help to continue to hold back the forces of darkness, with just a small gift, you too can do your part in stopping the terrorists, call now!
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"All I can think is that somehow the people of God prayed and God in his mercy spared us,"
Dude, it totally works! But he needs your help to continue to hold back the forces of darkness, with just a small gift, you too can do your part in stopping the terrorists, call now!
In the past, he's predicted 2006 would be a bad hurricane year, we didn't have one make landfall that year, and he said in '04 that Bush would win big in '04...he squeaked by.
He also said that he knows who our president will be in 2009, but he isn't gonna say because he doesn't want to get laughed at by Andy Rooney.
Wait! Doesn't wanna get laughed at by Andy Rooney? Dude, use the Prayer Assault, or would that be an abuse of your mighty power, bestowed unto you by Our Lord and Savior...
No, not this Messiah, the other one...the Jewish hippie carpenter.
He also said that he knows who our president will be in 2009, but he isn't gonna say because he doesn't want to get laughed at by Andy Rooney.
Wait! Doesn't wanna get laughed at by Andy Rooney? Dude, use the Prayer Assault, or would that be an abuse of your mighty power, bestowed unto you by Our Lord and Savior...
No, not this Messiah, the other one...the Jewish hippie carpenter.
Robertson received no word from God about Iraq, but predicts violence and chaos, cites Kenya and Pakistan's recent instabilities as evidence, and says there will be more.
So Pat, you mean to tell me that God told you there will be instability and violence in the Third World this year? You know, it sounds like God is being a bit safe in his predictions after the promise of mushroom clouds swallowing American cities didn't come to fruition last year.
But no worries Pat, I'm sure we can keep violence and instability in the Third World to a minimum with just a small gift, right? Right?
So Pat, you mean to tell me that God told you there will be instability and violence in the Third World this year? You know, it sounds like God is being a bit safe in his predictions after the promise of mushroom clouds swallowing American cities didn't come to fruition last year.
But no worries Pat, I'm sure we can keep violence and instability in the Third World to a minimum with just a small gift, right? Right?
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