October 22, 2010

They're what we thought they were

In Ace's headlines we see this story about some Dutch Apache pilots refusing to go below 5000 meters (per orders I presume) to help some Australian, US and Afghan soldiers fighting some Taliban. Heavily armed and heavily armored Apaches. you know, Apache gunships designed for close combat support.
Some of the good guys died in the firefight.

Geoff asks, "Are Dutch the new French?" I'm not picking on him, I've seen some others have the same reaction.
Apparently not remembering Sebrenica where Dutch forces sat on their hands during a lovely massacre because of "orders".
Imagine some US Soldiers or Marines obeying those orders.
I don't see them getting those orders, but even if we let them put on Blue Helmets I'd still bet they wouldn't sit there and let people be massacred.

So are they the new French?
I'll let Dennis Green answer that. (for Bears read "The Dutch")

If your life depends on EUniks fighting for you, well, make sure your will is filled out and you're at peace with your maker.

I put this in Fail Britannia because there's no "Fail Florin" (Fail Guilder?) or Fail EUnuchstan categories and I now know what LLAPH means (Thanks Sean!)

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October 06, 2010

There is no future in England's dreaming

There is so much FAIL Britannia! packed into this article that I'm starting to suspect that it's actually some kind of elaborate Python-esque sketch about the British Welfare State...

Miss Marshall has no plans to start working. She once went to a job centre, but quickly realised she would be financially much better off if she did not work.

'What's the point? My mum worked all her life and she paid taxes so I feel I am getting what I deserve,' she said. 'Some people might think I am a scrounger.

'But I don't think me or my children should miss out on nice things just because I have never worked.' Miss Marshall's children, aged between three and 16, don't appear to miss out.

They all have the latest computers and gadgets, and the family have been on two holidays abroad this year.

My mother raised me to be polite, so I hardly EVAR throw out the "c-word," but I'm sorry, this woman is a fucking cunt. I'm far from the most industrious person in the world, but I at least have a fucking job, and the money I've got these days barely fucking folds. I can't afford to go much further than the next couple of counties over, and she's taking her brood (five kids from four different men, by the way) on trips abroad? She actually has the temerity to complain about the fact that her welfare brats have to share three laptops, too.

That sound you hear is Zombie Queen Victoria punching through her tomb, and she's fucking pissed.

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September 24, 2010

Where Great Britain used to be

What's the opposite of LOL?
Okay, we've all seen the story about the guys being arrested for burning the Koran in the place where Great Britain used to be*

Click on "Fail Brittania" on the right sidebar and you'll see story after story about yobs running wild, law abiding people who defend themselves going to jail, a veteran finding a shotgun, turning it into police and then being charged and convicted for possessing a firearm, grandmothers with their husband's WWII or WWI service revolver going to jail.

So what could be worse? Having your house stolen.
Residents have told how gangs break into their homes, change the locks and then move in ‘tenants’ who claim squatters’ rights.

Get it? You step out and when you get home your locks are changed and someone claims your house.
So the police come and kick their asses out..... oh wait, it's (Used to be) Great Britain
The victims return to find aggressive, knife-wielding East­ern Europeans who refuse to let them into their own home – while police say they are powerless to act without a court order.

Notice the knife wielding bit, if you're a law abiding type you need a note from the laird to buy a pizza cutter but these house stealers can threaten you and keep your house.
Unbelievabile. Someone breaks into my house while I"m out I have them arrested, (after warning the police they might be well armed if they got into my gun safe) in Supine Britain, they keep your house. You're SOL.

Hmmmm, maybe SOL is the opposite of LOL. I tried to type LOL backwards but it kept coming up LOL.

Link from SondraK who knows what power is and has the best comment box in the blogosphere.

*Line stolen from Say Uncle, but I can't find the post

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August 23, 2010

I thought the monarchy was just a figurehead

Since when is discouraging hygiene practices of the British a good thing?  Not only will their teeth be awful, they'll reek of three-day-old soccer sweat and fish and chips too.

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August 20, 2010

Compassionate grounds

Convicted Terrorist bomber Abedelbaset Ali Mohmet al-Megrahi was supposed to be dead by now, wasn't he? That's why you compassionate UK geniuses let him out, right? And then, he got a hero's welcome. Now, you same geniuses hope the same isn't going to happen again?

The Foreign Office warned that any celebration of his freedom would be ''tasteless, offensive and deeply insensitive''.

A spokeswoman said: ''The Government is clear that Megrahi's release was a mistake. Both the current Prime Minister and the Foreign Secretary made this clear at the time.

''Particularly on this anniversary we understand the continuing anguish that Megrahi's release has caused his victims, both in the UK and the US.

''Any celebration of Megrahi's release will be tasteless, offensive and deeply insensitive to the victims' families.

''We have made our concerns clear to the Libyan government.''

Yeah, you made your concerns clear a little late there. What do you want to bet that in spite of their "concerns," that the Libyan public still treats this like a national holiday?

If ghosts really exist, I hope that every official who signed off on this bullshit deal is haunted by the spirits of the innocent who died for the rest of their days.

And Mr.Megrahi? Please die in a fire while actually suffering from cancer.

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August 17, 2010

The sun has set like a mofo on the British Empire

Sweet, fancy Moses, can't you people get some free condoms or birth control pills from the NHS?

A benefits claimant whose partner is expecting her 12th child boasted today that they 'have enough for a football team'.

Out-of-work Gary Bateman, 46, and Joanne Shepherd, 36, have been moved into a free five-bedroom house in which to raise their brood.

The £1,200-a-month rent on their home is covered by the more than £30,000 a year they claim from the taxpayer.

And wait, there's plenty more!

Mr Bateman says he has been out of work for as long as he can remember.

His partner Miss Sheppard, who currently has 11 children by three men, has not worked for 19 years after she fell pregnant with her first child aged just 17.

Despite her taxpayer-funded lifestyle, Sheppard claims it is her family who are are the victims in this situation.


'I just can't understand what all the fuss is about. It's just not fair.'

You're damn right that it's not fucking fair. You assholes keep pumping out brats and collecting welfare checks without contributing a damn thing to society. She goes on to complain about her neighbors talking to the press about all the money they're raking in by doing nothing but pumping out children and claims that said neighbors are somehow being "selfish" by doing so. In related news, irony just died a fiery, screaming death.

But, wait, there's even MOAR!
Last year, it emerged that Mr Bateman had been claiming benefits due to a bad back, but was still indulging in his passion for off-road sport motocross.

He admits he still has no job and collects £89.80 a week for long-term incapacity. He also allegedly continues to ride motorbikes, saying: 'I have to keep myself occupied.'

Um, most people with a dozen fucking kids keep themselves occupied by FINDING A FUCKING JOB YOU FUCKING PARASITE!!!

I can't say I blame them, though. They've found a way to game the system, and that system has done nothing but reward their lazy asses for their malfeasance. Free house, free money, no work. Why quit now?

(Oh, right. The self respect that comes with not having every productive, tax-paying member of your society hating you and your family for being a bunch of irresponsible layabout assholes.)

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August 15, 2010

May God have mercy on their souls

That's the prayer I'd be offering, were I a religious man...

Libya will mark the first anniversary of the release of the Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset Al Megrahi by thanking God for Gordon Brown and Kenny MacAskill, the two men who let him go.

 Colonel Gaddafi, the country’s dictator, has ordered prayers to mark Friday’s anniversary of the decision to free Al Megrahi from a Scottish prison on compassionate grounds.

The Libyan leader is keen to avoid a repeat of the international condemnation sparked by the decision to give the convicted terrorist a hero’s welcome when he returned to Libya on August 20, 2009, allegedly with just three months to live.

The families of the 270 people who died in the 1988 bombing of Pam Am Flight 103 were furious at what they saw as scenes of triumphalism at Tripoli airport, with large crowds cheering and shouting.

A spokesman for the Libyan leader said: ‘The celebrations this year will involve people giving thanks to God for Brother Al Megrahi’s release, and marking the event with their own quiet celebrations.’

He added: ‘People will pray for Al Megrahi and give thanks to those who helped free him, including former Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Scottish Justice Minister Kenny MacAskill.

‘This is what the Brother Leader [Col Gaddafi] wants. He does not wish to cause offence in other parts of the world, especially in Britain and America.’
You know what wouldn't "cause offence" anywhere other than your backward, goat-fucking, Jew-hating, gay-hanging, rape-condoning part of the world?

Despite this official nervousness, youths across the country will pay their own tribute by wearing the same kind of white baseball cap that Al Megrahi, 58, wore at the time of his release. Many will also have his image blazoned across T-shirts.

‘Brother Al Megrahi is massively popular across the country – a real hero,’ said near neighbour Hamid Najiz. ‘Young people love him, and many new babies have been named after him.’

That's right, people in Libya are naming their kids after a mass murderer, but we have to be careful about what we say about a mosque built on the graves of thousands of our countrymen who were killed by the same kind of assholes who would name their kids after themselves if they could score any pussy in this life. And they couldn't.

Fuck that. Fuck that all to hell. Fuck that until eternity calls back and says "Are you sure you want to fuck that?" and I say "Fuck yeah, I fucking do!"

(And may God bless the victims of this vile terrorist, and I hope he will excuse my profanity.)

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August 05, 2010

Can I get a "What the fuck took you so long to realize this?"?!

I'm so glad to know that the Lockerbie bomber was released based on a week of faking sick.  Bite me, Scotland.

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July 26, 2010

Don't drink the water

That's an old cliche about traveling to foreign places, but it's a valuable tip—there are likely a bunch of bacteria and stuff in the local water that you're not used to, thus giving you the runny shits. But the locals drink the water all the time, and they're okay, seeing as how they're used to it, right?

New health and safety guidelines mean the water supply that has sustained the residents of Muck through the ages is no longer deemed safe to drink.

Officials have told the Hebridean island’s 35 inhabitants they must import mineral water from the mainland and are offering taxpayer-funded grants for a new treatment and purification system.

But angry residents complained no one has become ill after drinking water from the island’s eight natural springs, which are fed by rain clouds rolling across the Atlantic.

Lawrence MacEwen, whose family have owned the tiny isle since 1896, said: “All the houses on Muck are served by reliable springs of a quality at least as good as can be bought in bottles.

“But that is not good enough for our environmental health, who are insisting that all our water is treated before it reaches the houses.”

These people have been drinking the water unfiltered from the local springs for generations, but now they're being told by the government that they have to purify it, and they're going to get a £15,200 subsidy per household to purify water that has never made anybody sick.

God, I hope nobody in the O-ministration is reading this, looking for new ways to waste "stimulus" money.

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July 19, 2010

This is when you start shitting in your trashcan

I guess it's cheaper to send someone to rifle through garbage than to, say, conduct a census.

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July 12, 2010

Well, what did you expect?

This guy should totally get together with Minnie Driver.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen! Be sure to tip your waitress generously.


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June 24, 2010

So much wrong, I don't know where to start...

So let's start here...did the bobbies think that her son was hiding under her mattress?

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June 17, 2010

The FAIL, It Burns!

Yeah, this should end well.

Ayoub Khan, Birmingham City Council's community safety portfolio holder, said a detailed consultation ought to have taken place before the cameras were installed.

He said the partnership was now reviewing why this had not happened.

The camera idea was first proposed by Home Office counter-terrorism officers in April 2009, Mr Khan said.

"I was informed that this was to attack anti-social behaviour and various other criminal behaviour with a bolt-on of some terrorism activity detecting too."

Yeah. Only in the UK would counter terrorism actions not monitor those who pull off 99.9% of the terrorism.

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June 02, 2010

Come on. Really?

Some more FAIL from the shores of the UK for you ...

British Airways has drawn much unwelcome attention to itself with a photo touting its new mobile-boarding pass system as it appears to expedite the air travel of al-Quaida leader Osama bin Laden, the world's most wanted man. 

The photo appeared in the LHR News, the company's internal staff magazine covering London's Heathrow Airport. The image accompanied an article spelling out the benefits of the mobile-boarding setup, which permits users of mobile digital devices to print out their boarding passes on the fly. The boarding pass reads "Bin Laden/Osama" and appears in the graphic panel of a user's iPhone. (AT&T reception in remote Pakistani caves is apparently better than anyone might have guessed.)

What's more, the image features a frequent-flier number for passenger bin Laden — so much for all those airport terrorist watch lists — and has him flying first class on Oct. 26, 2010.

Speculation is that a bunch of pissed off British Airways employees snuck this into the magazine, as the carrier is in the middle of a labor dispute with (shocker) the union for in-flight crew.  And I know, companies make mistakes and then go scrambling behind the fix it.

But, really, does no one hire fucking editors any more?  Really?  Nobody who checks layout?  Nobody who could have looked at this picture and said, "Um, maybe we shouldn't run this ..."  Nah.  Cost-cutting.

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May 29, 2010

You wingnuts are crazy to think nationalized health care will suck

Behold the cost curve being bent way, waaaaay down...

Consultant haematologist Richard Chasty, who saw Mrs Pathak three days before her death, said she may have survived if diagnosed sooner.

At the hearing in Stoke, coroner Ian Smith ruled that Mrs Pathak died of natural causes. A hospital spokesman said she received ‘appropriate’ care based on her clinical condition.
And be sure to read the whole thing to find out about the details of her "appropriate" care. Especially if you've got a loved one with a life-threatening disease.

Hope and Change. Yeah.

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May 20, 2010

What's wrong with your FAAAAACE?

I'm gonna go ahead and guess that the NHS insisted that the criminally insane could not be barred from the competition to design Britain's 2012 Olympic mascots.


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May 05, 2010

That's it, I'm moving to England

You may not have the right to bear arms or much in the way of free speech over there, but nobody around here has exactly been offering to subsidize The Ace of Spades Lifestyleâ„¢ for me:

Their loud and drunken behaviour makes the lives of their neighbours a misery - and it is all being funded by state handouts of £20,000 a year.

Residents are petitioning to have Jane and Lee Houghton, their five youngest children and a grandson evicted.

But with a new bathroom and kitchen on its way, paid for by the council, and a house filled with numerous games consoles, computers and TVs they have no intention of moving.

And Mr Houghton yesterday insisted they need more money.

The 42-year-old is paid £150 a month disability allowance because he has a 'personality disorder' which makes him 'kick off in crowds'. He has not worked since 1999 and says drinking alcohol helps him cope with his condition.

Plus, free health care! W00t!!!

I'm sure the eventual liver transplants will be taken care of, lickety-split.

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May 03, 2010

You know, can stupid people stop screwing things up for me?

As a follow up on Ember's Rage post, I have to say that I do understand why portions of the Religious Right believe that there is a homosexual agenda and that part of that agenda is to criminalize criticism of homosexuality. Why do I say this? Oh, I don't know, maybe it's things like a Christian preacher being arrested for saying that homosexuality is a sin.  Yes, I know that's the UK and the UK doesn't even pretend to have freedom of speech.  But I also know that there are those in the US who claims to speak for All Gays who would like to see the same thing happen here.  There is a de facto if not de jure ban on any type of criticism of homosexuality in the academic setting.  There is legitimate concern that if gay marriage is passed then religious organizations will be brought up on discrimination charges.  There is legitimate concern that religious organizations will be facing financial penalties for not performing gay marriage.  See re Catholic Charities and adoption in Massachusetts.  This is a legitimate concern and one that I share.  I think that there are some on the Right who support gay marriage who do not give those concerns the credit they are due.

I wish I didn't have to say this but I do.  I  think what happened in the UK is an abomination.  I think that those who believe that I am going to hell have every right to tell me so.  The only "gay right" that I want is the right to not have people try to send me to hell for being queer.  Telling me I'm going to hell.  Fair game.  Yelling at me?  Fair game.  Preaching to me?  Fair game.  Because, you see, I want the right to yell back.  And I will be damned if anyone is going to take away my right to state exactly what I think about, oh, say the Westboro freaks.

I do believe that a great deal of the urge to throw me and others like me out of the conservative movement stems from a belief that we're lying when we say that we don't want to impose these kinds of speech restrictions.  The reason I've become more and more outspoken about being queer is to try to counteract those impressions.  I also believe this is part of what's behind the huge fight about GOProud being a stealth leftist organization.  I do not blame the Religious Right for thinking that what I really want is to take away their religious freedom.  There is ample support for such an opinion.  It's disheartening to me to have to stand up and state that I don't believe any such thing over and over and over again when I've tried to make my position clear.  But I'll do it because someone has to stand athwart saying "no". 

So, yeah, I get filled with The Rage at times about the attempts to heave me out of the movement.  But I am even more furious at those who actually are trying to criminalize criticism of homosexuality.  Stop.  Making.  Me.  Look.  Like.  A.  Fascist.  Stop it.  You don't speak for me.  You are wrong.  What you are doing is vile.  Stop.  It. 

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April 22, 2010

All that talk about health care rationing?

Why, that's all just a bunch of silly wingnut paranoia, right? Right?

Pregnant women were forced to travel up to 99 miles in order to give birth last year after being turned away by overstretched maternity units.

Official figures reveal that one unit was forced to close for 78 hours because it could not cope with demand.

Another trust shut its doors 112 times, forcing women only minutes or hours from giving birth to seek care elsewhere.

Oh, and this is certainly no cause for alarm...

Immigration means NHS officials underestimated the number of births last year by 40,000. The birth rate is now at the highest level for 26 years, and the unions say there is a shortage of around 3,000 midwives.

Note that they're not even talking about a shortage of doctors here.

Also, it's not like there's any possible legislation coming down the pike that could blow up the Obamacare cost estimates even more by covering illegals or offering them amnesty or anything. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Lindsey?

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April 14, 2010

A terrifying look into our not-too-distant future

If ever there was a story that exemplified why we have the FAIL! Britannia category, this sure as fucking hell is it:

The Davey family's £815-a-week state handouts pay for a four-bedroom home, top-of-the-range mod cons and two vehicles including a Mercedes people carrier.

Father-of-seven Peter gave up work because he could make more living on benefits.

Yet he and his wife Claire are still not happy with their lot.

With an eighth child on the way, they are demanding a bigger house, courtesy of the taxpayer.

Go ahead and keep reading, because it just goes downhill from there, if you can believe that.

If you don't believe that this is where Obama, Pelosi, Reid, and the rest of the Democrats want to lead us, there's a bridge in Brooklyn that I could sell you for the low, low cost of a few trillion bucks, all while structuring the deal in a manner that will totally reduce your debt over the next decade. Even though your ass is broke.


(Via Rosetta.)

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